I'm in Norfolk Virginia. The last time I was here was 8 years ago. That was an impromptu vacation too. It was after a devastating heartbreak. I hung out with my brother for a week and read all of The Goblet of Fire. It's why I love that book the most despite Prisoner of Azkaban being the clearly superior story.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm here. It's just until Monday. Not even a full week. I kinda feel stagnant back home. I've been looking for something for a while. It's going to sound cheesy but I don't feel like I completely recognize myself. I'm trying to find that awesome dude I used to be.
I'm growing out my beard. I look funny. I hope that when I shave it off, I'll be there in the mirror. The me that's been MIA for the last year and a half.
I've defiantly gotta change some bad habits. I eat too much crap. I need to go back to Jiu Jitsu. But I'm so so broke. And no, I'm not being helped. That pisses me off. I'm doing this by myself. It's not something to be proud of. It sucks. I've taken a look at all of my friends and yeah, they've got help. A significant other, wife, husband, to pull half the weight. A supportive family that want to see them succeed. I honestly don't feel like I have that. And no, it's not about friends helping out. Friends I have. What I don't have is the support that is normal to have. Love & family (blood). If I fail, then I'm out on the street. Sure my mom would want me to stay with her, but I'd have to sleep in the tub because that home is retardedly crowded. 7 people in 3 bedrooms. With me it'd be 8. What the heck man? It's supposed to get easier isn't it?
Maybe that's where the missing side of me has gone. He had the good sense to checkout of this crappy situation.
We all say this a lot. Things have got to change.
I'm gonna start with the things that no longer make sense holding on to.
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